Grief is Hard

I am swimming at the pool with my kids

Watching pre-k graduations

We are letting kites fly for the first time

And a part of my heart is cracking

When I say grief is hard

‘Hard’ is only a capsule to describe the indescribable

What I mean is the emotional pain is so brutal, your body cannot always let you feel it all

What I mean is that you feel like you yourself might be dying inside while someone else you love dies

What I mean is your frantic inside trying to hold onto future memories that are unraveling before your eyes

What I mean is the suffering feels helpless to witness and it envelopes you as well

What I mean is it feels like your insides want to jump out of your skin to scream as loud as they can, “Is this real life?! Please make it stop, make it stop, please.”

I am sun kissed and laughing at my kids jokes and I am crying the moment my eyes open every morning and the pit in my stomach filled with anxiety might swallow me whole.

And this, is grief.